How to be sexy, seductive and confident
When it comes to the idea of being sexy, it’s often misconstrued that this is something you need to do for someone else. However, this idea is outdated and untrue. Feeling sexy and seductive can do wonders for your confidence levels. If you’re looking to date then this could unlock so much potential to discover a new you.
To help you re-discover a sexy, seductive and confident you, we’ve got 7 of the best expert tips to get you started.
Make eye contact
According to research, holding someone’s gaze has been proven to create attraction. And while you might know that a winning smile is a great way to appear attractive. Putting direct eye contact behind that winning smile is your best bet, says one study conducted by Aberdeen University in Scotland.
It seems that looking directly at someone does most of the work in creating attraction. This dramatically enhances other behaviors like smiling, touching and listening.
Smiling while making eye contact has the most power when talking to women, according to the researchers. “What we’ve shown is that people seem to like someone who likes them – based on the direction of their gaze – and it’s particularly true of the opposite sex.” (My emphasis.)
However, while it might be more powerful with women, it will also have an impact when you’re meeting new people at work, networking or making friends in a new city. Eye contact is universal.
I don’t think about being sexy, being seductive. What you don’t want to see is somebody trying to be sexy. That’s the most unsexy thing.
Be like Marilyn
Arguably the most famous sex symbol in the world, Marilyn Monroe oozed glamour and sensuality when she was alive. Her look has been copied by women all over the world and it’s so easy to see why. Men fell at her feet. Women wanted to be her. But why did everyone find her so sexy?
According to Southern Living, Marilyn used Vaseline to keep her skin dewy and bright. This wasn’t just a case of applying a thin layer. She would rub her entire body down with Vaseline and then get into a three-hour hot bath each morning, giving her skin a shiny glow.
But this wasn’t her only beauty secret. She would also count out exactly five drops of Chanel No.5 to wear when she went to sleep. She was also a fan of getting a good 10-hours sleep each night after plunging her face into a bowl of hot water.
While this may not be realistic for modern-day ladies leading a busy life, taking some time to focus on your beauty and skin regime will do wonders for your self-confidence levels. Remember -- if in doubt, be like Marilyn.
Wear special lingerie on an ordinary day
When it comes to underwear, hands up who goes for comfort first. Most of us are guilty of channelling our inner Bridget Jones on a daily basis. But why not try spicing up the underwear you wear? It’s been said that choosing extra special lingerie falls under the mood enhancement camp. This increases our emotional positivity levels to allow us to feel sexy and more confident.
Wearing something special on an ordinary day can also give you a serious mental boost, says Rachel Needle, a sex therapist and licensed psychologist at the Center for Marital and Sexual Health of South Florida. If you don’t own any special lingerie, it’s time to go pick some out, she says. You don’t need a partner to indulge in that.
Accept your imperfections and practice positive affirmations
No-one is perfect, but learning to accept your flaws can be difficult. Instead, try to change your mindset around your imperfections by viewing them as the things that make you unique. Your mind is a very powerful tool. This is the key to unlocking a more positive way of thinking about the way you look so each day. Try telling yourself these positive affirmations. Believe in them.
Stand in front of a mirror, silence your mind, take a deep breath and say:
I love my face and all my features.
I fill my body with confidence daily.
I am worthy. I am loved. I am enough.
I love myself exactly as I am. I no longer wait to be perfect in order to love myself.
My idea of sexy is that less is more. The less you reveal the more people can wonder.
Building a better connection with your own body is the most powerful way to feel more confident in yourself. This doesn’t necessarily mean masturbation. But feeling your skin or brushing your hair are simple ways to help your get to know your body better.
“Masturbating is a great way to connect into your own fantasy life, sense of eroticism, and to keep an infrastructure of arousal going,” says New York City sex therapist Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First. He also notes that solo sex is a way to make time for yourself (and prioritizing you and validating your self-worth).
You might feel shy about it at first, but to help ease yourself into it. Set aside some important me-time to relax and enjoy the moment.
Being sexy is not about what’s on show, it’s all about suggestion, or insinuation. I’m interested in the way a garment hangs on a woman’s body and the way it moves when she moves.
Go to a workout class
Relieve stress, boost those all-important endorphins and remove inhibitions by joining an exercise class. The workout can be anything you like, from running, to cycling, to a weights class. Just make sure you find something you enjoy otherwise it’s unlikely you’ll stick to it.
When it comes to helping you feel sexier, a study from The University of Arkansas showed that more physically fit men and women rated their own sexual desirability higher than less active men and women the same age.
In fact, eighty percent of men and 60% of females who exercised two to three times weekly rated their own sexual desirability as above average. As the number of days of exercise per week increased, so did the ratings of sexual desirability (Sexual Desirability and Sexual Performance: Does Exercise and Fitness Really Matter?)
If body image is an issue for you, pretzel up on your yoga mat: A 2019 study found that a regular yoga practice (over 12 weeks) can lower body dissatisfaction for a serious surge in confidence.
Being sexy is something inside, and not everybody has it.
You might not be ready to become the next Michael McIntyre, but cracking a joke or generally having a good sense of humour can do wonders for your self confidence. Making people laugh (like a potential date) will make you seem more attractive to people -- and more importantly yourself. Being funny can also work wonders on your imperfections. Laughing through the things you’re most insecure of can help you learn to love them.
Via Mating Intelligence Unleashed: The Role of the Mind in Sex, Dating, and Love: Recent research suggests that while both men and women say they like a “good sense of humor” in a potential mate, they differ in what they mean by this phrase. Women tend to prefer men who make them laugh, whereas men tend to prefer women who laugh at their jokes.
Go out there and be sexy, confident and seductive now!
Giving these tips a go can do wonders in helping you improve your mood and the way you look at yourself, so make sure you try them today!